I’ve noticed an increase in serious conversations coinciding with increasing age. There are simply too many illnesses and deaths. When I’m with friends we laugh and tell jokes, usually because we’re trying to soften the impact of what we’re experiencing or anticipating. We laugh uneasily about prostate problems, diminishing sex drives, memory loss, care homes, knee replacements, gout, and a host of other maladies. It’s difficult to address these issues seriously, primarily because none of us know what to do about them. The correlation of age and physical problems is unwavering.
“Serious” means facing-up to our own vulnerability. When we share and compare, it’s hard to know what to say because we see no way to avoid the inevitable. We’re all vulnerable to age-related problems. Sometimes we ask open questions to get someone to say more and then nod to show understanding, but it’s mostly commiseration. It’s comforting to know others are in the same boat.
I’ve wondered what we can offer one another beyond playful bantering. Do we have insights to share? Is there something that comes from our collective wisdom?
While thinking about this, the first thing that came to mind is the simple gift of genuinely caring about one another. Oh, I know it sounds terribly generic, but what I have in mind is the sense of truly being present. Too often what we share is causally heard and then forgotten. Caring means listening as well as remembering.
I also thought about sharing what works for us personally. For example I frequently mention my love of tutoring. It adds meaning to my life and gives me opportunities to help others. I’m not suggesting everyone should be a volunteer tutor, but rather find meaningful things to do. It helps keep things in perspective.
I know this sounds a little “preachy,” but I’m mostly talking to myself, so bear with me. Sometimes after leaving the company of friends, I realize my own agenda was a little too bold. When others are sharing I’m too often thinking about what to say next. I also have a tendency to be thinking of something funny to say. I can change this, or at least moderate it to some degree. It’s doable.
It’s not so much about having serious, age-related conversations as it is being present with one another as we grow older. It’s sincerely caring about what’s going on in other’s lives. I’m going to try harder. How about you?
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